Thursday, October 4, 2007

Sorry for my absence

Sorry I've been MIA. Just haven't been feeling very inspired. I think my first clomi.d cycle is a bust. I had some good bloodwork results for prog.esterone, but have still started spotting a little bit today. There should still be hope for this cycle, but I'm just not feeling it. Going away for the weekend. Hopefully I'll find some inspiration there.

Monday, September 10, 2007

A prayer for Monday

Thought I would share this from our church bulletin yesterday. It's based on Luke 14: 25-33

Lord of the cross, you call us to follow you. We mouth a "yes" and nod an "okay," but do we know what you've asked us to do?

We're to love you more than others? Some say that cross is too heavy. Still, you compel us to follow, knowing that this cross is too heavy for us to carry alone.

You say, count the cost and consider what discipleship is. Somteimes we squirm and say the cost is too great and the sacrifices too numerous. Still, you compel us to follow.

The cross you ask us to carry is not nearly as heavy as the cross you carried for us. Nevertheless, we complain; and you listen.

We search for an easier alternativel and you watch us. God, help us to admit when we get frustreated by the enormity of discipleship. Extend grace and mercy toward us. Wrap us inside unconditional love. And patiently compel us to follow you again. Amen.

Adapted from a prayer by Dr. Kwasi I. Kena

Friday, September 7, 2007

Starting Clomid

Went to my OBGYN today and he put me on Clomid. Thinks my progesterone is low due to weak ovulation. I've been spotting alot in my luteal phase (which is also kind of short). Will be starting on Sunday. I'm hopeful and glad to be doing something to move forward.

Been holding up pretty well even with all the baby showers last week and with the end of another cycle. At the moment I'm feeling a little bit more peaceful and patient.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Me and the Fertile Dental Hygienist (FDH)

So, I went in for my dental cleaning last week. Here is the scene:

Fertile dental hygienist (FDH): How are you doing?

Sara: Good, how are you?

FDH: I'm great. Lot's has happened since your last cleaning 6 months ago. I got married in June. . .

Sara: That's great. Congratulations.

FDH: . . . and I'm pregnant. I just found out.

Sara: That's so great. I'm so happy for you.

(Sara sits in dental chair, opens mouth wide, and FDH begins to scrape)

FDH: What about y'all? I forget, have you started trying yet?

(FDH takes implements out of Sara's mouth to hear answer)

Sara: Yep, we started trying almost a year ago.

FDH: Oh, I have a friend who was trying for a year and went to the Doctor and got a prescription and before she even got it filled, she found out she was pregnant.

Sara: That's great. I have an appointment in a few weeks, that would be great if it happened to me.

(FDH resumes cleaning)

FDH: I don't know. We weren't even really going to start trying for a year of so, but decided to stop preventing and just see what happens. I guess I'm just a fertile myrtle. I just didn't want to wait a year I guess because I'll be 30 in a year and didn't want to wait that long. How old are you?

Sara: (muffled, trying to speak with dental implements in mouth) Firty-two (33)

FDH: Oh, so you know what I mean. So, do you keep your legs up after sex?

Sara: (muffled) Uh, huh. Tell me about your wedding. (trying to change subject)

FDH: What about stress? Do you and your husband have stressful jobs?

Sara: Actually, no, we're pretty laid back usually.

FDH: Well, you never know. My aunt didn't think she was stressed and tried for 5 years to have a baby. She changed jobs and got pregnant right away.

Sara: Hmmm. So, where did you go on your honeymoon?

FDH: What about caffiene? Do you and your husband drink caffiene?. . . . .

So, lots of fun at the dental hygienist. I was telling my mom about it and she said, "Oh, I ran into so and so and she said you should try taking Geritol". She totally missed the point of my frustration, I guess. Argh!! My husband doesn't really get it either. He said, "Well, she was just trying to help."
Which I know is true, but I mean how uncomfortable can you get? It's not like I could go any where--having to answer all those questions when you can't move and have dental instruments in your mouth was like torture. I can see the humor in it, though, which is why I'm sharing it with all of you.

In other news, I have three baby showers to go to this week.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

A disheartening news story

Baby tests positive for cocaine; parents jailed

Saw this news story this morning. The mother admitted to using crack cocaine while breastfeeding. It's just so sad, and it makes me so angry. Cruel for the baby most of all, of course. But, it also feels cruel to me at the moment as I fear this last cycle has failed. It just makes me want to give up. I feel bad even complaining since there are others so much more deserving than me. If this has taught me anything it's that there's no rhyme or reason, no fairness involved in this pursuit. Please forgive the melodrama.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

10 things

Tagged by JKH here are 10 things I . . .

Hate: (in no particular order)
talking endlessly about a problem without talking about a solution
my credit card debt
my waist
when people (including me) are smug
when people won't even listen to viewpoints different from theirs
ashamedly a certain gm-in-law
spotting and aunt flo
my own laziness
REALLY hot days like today

my wonderful DH
staying in bed
my family
my puppy
the mountains in North Carolina
my church
my friends (near and far)
beautiful gardens

Monday, July 30, 2007

Monday's psalm and some mostly incoherent thoughts

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. 2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. 3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. Psalm 1: 1-3 NIV

This discussion is in no way meant to convict others, but I am convicted of recently being a little too self-obsessed. I am spending too much time thinking, not even about building a family and loving a child, but about the status of my reproductive system and my current emotions. In doing so, I am missing opportunities to really be "present" to worship God, love my family and friends, and serve my neighbors.

I am also aware recently of being too much of a "consumer." Not just in the usual sense of the word as buyer or shopper (though I am doing too much of that) but in the sense of taking things in and not producing anything. I'm consuming too many calories, reading on the internet, reading magazines, reading books, watching television and movies, listening to music, etc. In fact, I'm often doing at least two of those things at once. I'm taking in all of that but not doing, writing, speaking, singing, walking, creating, praying nearly enough to balance all of that out. Does that make sense?